More like Sunshine than Salt Water

At a house gathering in celebration of (almost) finishing one year of teaching and the ending of a year course of observation and reflection, we all shared laughter with BBQ and alcohol. I told a story about a 13 year old student in my class who craps his pants nearly every day and how hard it is to teach when it smells like crap. It isn't really a funny story, but it's dark comedy, bah dump chah... We all laughed at the horror of this reality and several other teachers thanked me, they felt better, at least they don't have to smell and clean up human shit from a student's chair. I mentioned that it was much better to laugh then to cry which is how it sometimes makes me feel and I looked into the eyes of someone I knew who knew what I meant.

The sentiment triggered a memory about a friend twenty years ago when I was in high school. Memories like seashells wash onto the beach when a wave of familiar words kick up the sand from underneath. Anyhow, back to the memory from sophmore year high school government... We were having a discussion with another classmate who was an acquaintance. This student said something about how I always looked so happy. Then my oldest living friend said the words I'll never forget... "Yeah, Nancy's a great actress!" This was a friend I had many sleepovers with; I used to run away to her place where her mother would gladly cook for us and let us control the TV and the radio and I felt safe there. These days, this friend won't even talk to me. When I think about her, it feels like a piece of myself is missing. She's mad because I bailed out of being in her wedding because I had just separated from my husband (at the time) and I couldn't fake it (I couldn't act the part) on her big day and she hasn't forgiven me since.

Smiling and laughing feels really good, especially when you don't really feel all that great. It can change things for a bit and it can even change things for a long time. Smiling and laughing can do wonders in an instant. I don't ever fake it, I'd just rather be more like sunshine than salt water.

There are these strange groups of laughing clubs around the world and they practice fake laughter for the soul. Not long ago I saw a segment on 60 Minutes and witnessed it first-hand Sunday in Central Park. Apparently, when released into the body, endorphins from real laughter and forced laughter are one in the same. I can't see myself ever needing to join a group like this because I'm an expert at entertaining myself without prefabricated choreography.