This "One Thing"

I can't sleep, maybe it is the massive electricity in the air or the Italian coffee I downed at 9:30pm tonight. The thunder seems to last forever. I'm always thinking and right now, I'm so close to things I can't actually reach at this moment. I'm trying to get out on the fire escape. It's so humid, I need a place to perch, but its precarious and wobbly.

What would I do if my visions don't come true? I can see them, but can they see me? Trying not to have expectations while delicately balancing hope and outright fear. So much depends on this one thing! So much being put off like air conditioning, furniture and makeup because of this one thing. I'm contemplating selling certain items that I'd rather never have to, like music, my soul and myself.

Thinking too much and trying to surrender. Mercury is in retrograde and nothing I say seems to come out right. All these important meetings happening while I can't make much sense of this barrage of electricity getting caught in my veins. They don't reach my fingertips. The current is vibrating in the area around my heart and my brain. It's fogged up from the random rain.

This one thing is aggravated by another thing. Its just one thing after another. That's life in the big city. Compression of self awareness. Competition for everything imaginable. I got away for a few days. I'm still relaxed from the ocean, but I'm also still swimming in waters too cold for the human body.