Irony is the new knickname I've been given

I woke up this morning feeling tired and ridiculous. What am I doing in these uncharted waters? I have a knack for placing hope into people and things where I should just give up. A stubborn kid, I need to live, better. The place I've been taught to call my heart is playing cruel games of paddywack behind my back and out of reach. Consumed by the dream, I am surrounded by people living this simple plan, that I have never been able to attain, but I understand. Do I choose wrong or does wrong choose me? I actually do want to be happy, which is why I can't excuse myself or walk away. Which is why blind faith plagues my stay, in life.

I woke up this morning to the sound of calm silence. On my own without an alarm clock or a man snoring next to me. The thing I remember when I drifted off to sleep last night was my image of you. I might write about this longing every day till I see his face and not so secretly wish to fail. Defeat might even be easier then importing the object of my affection. How can I be addicted to the idea of you and the sound of something special I have never held. I have unfinished business on the other side of the continent.

Irony is the new knickname I've been given. She said it was because of my Jewish tattoos, but she has no idea how true that really is. I am a walking talking irony machine, a rebel with traditional dreams. A lover of New York and as far away from California as I can be. An old love I never fought for and a new love I melt my heart for. I am clearly not meant to live the life of normalcy. I deserve better. I'm loyal to a fault and in a heartbeat, I walked away, farther than anyone I've ever known, but I look back all the time. An old friend said he didn't believe in regrets and I wish I could do the same.

I woke up this morning missing someone I hardly know. I'm in my thirties now. It's supposed to be easier at this point. But it gets harder on a daily basis to balance the needs and desires of a fully formed adult with lifetimes of experience under my belt. Its always been my way, the hard way. Why can't I just choose the path of least resistance? I want what I can't have. I even find a way to make more of that, daily...