11.03.2006

Strut, Fall and Get Back Up like Always

I wanted to say something, but at the moment I couldn't think of anything clever. I just wasn't "on" and I regret it. With a million thoughts running through my mind, I just wished I had taken the time to stop. At warp speed I couldn't even catch up or time travel enough to wake up next to you. I drew an Angel Card and it told me to release, that constant inner struggle that likes to bight me on my backside whenever I feel confident. The last time I let my guard down I woke up somewhere else and I had to run to the bathroom to hurl the toxins away. Should I swear it off? If emotion has to be part of it, I guess I'm better off not having it at all. Everything is so damn complicated and I'm still reeling in the years of when I ran away too quickly. I just wanted to grab hands with a stranger and make him my friend because in that moment there was nothing else. I wouldn't know what to say to a closed ended statement, besides I'm always better with a backup plan and a wing man.

I must be nimble and stick to the path of least resistance but that's never been my way. Does that make me difficult, too difficult to hold on to for very long? I admit that I'm more than a hand-full, but even without my funbags, I'm still bubbling with something giddy beyond the serious Capricorn surface. This sense of urgency that I try my best to beat down. In a city of sixteen million, I'm never alone because there's always someone there. Besides, I have a system. I'll be keeping an eye out for my final home, without seeing beyond the path of my quickest departure. I will be racing towards the day when I always know just what to say. I am just wishing he could see inside because its better in there. I'm strutting like Johnny in Saturday Night Fever and picking myself up after I slip and fall, like I always do.

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