Tomorrow, my parents will be blowing through the Big Apple to spend a little time with me. Yesterday, I was feeling optimistic in general, but its never that simple. Doom creeps in as my parental phobias blossom. I feel another cleanup session coming. I need to delete some people from my phone and clear the cob webs from my room before they get to the city.
I've been a lot of things to a lot of people. My first love still sends me love notes. My second love wants me to move back home. My deepest love is my friend again. My parents understand why I must roam. The fear always seems to creep in just as things are in their right place. Yesterday, I was feeling love all around. Its still there, but then the terror comes back to me knowing the only two people in the whole world that have to love me forever will be here to visit me and inspect my lifestyle.
Today, I evaluate my station in life and I have to report that all is OK. I have people who value my time and if I never want to be alone, I never have to be. Why do I feel this way? Because every time my parents visit, I look around and think, will I disappoint them, will I be able to control my emotions and regress to the twelve year old me? Why do I let them affect me so much? Because I love them, I am lucky, they have to love me back.
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